How is it that something like this can happen...

Every child who attends sunday school is taught one overshadowing principle...if you are a good person, good things will happen to you. Take for example, the golden rule:

Do onto others as you would have done onto you

The one singular principle which is taught to every youngin', throughout history, is just that. If you say "Thank you" every time that someone gives you your Venti Sugar-Free Vanilla Late at Starbucks, say "God bless you" every time a person sneezes (no matter who the person is), and stop the line of traffic to let people turn left into/out of their driveway that you will be rewarded. In Buddhism , it is called Kharma. Doing good deeds, as listed above, earns you good Kharma. Doing bad deeds, earns you bad Kharma, & a one way ticket to Hell's Kitchen (not the one in New York). This is what "they" preech.

What they don't actually tell you, is what is actually detailed in The Bible. Take, for example, this out-take from the book of Job (YES, please read the whole verse

1: There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God, and turned away from evil.
2: There were born to him seven sons and three daughters.
3: He had seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she-asses, and very many servants; so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east.
4: His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each on his day; and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them.
5: And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, "It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts." Thus Job did continually.
6: Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them.
7: The LORD said to Satan, "Whence have you come?" Satan answered the LORD, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it."
8: And the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?"
9: Then Satan answered the LORD, "Does Job fear God for nought?
10: Hast thou not put a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? Thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.
11: But put forth thy hand now, and touch all that he has, and he will curse thee to thy face."
12: And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your power; only upon himself do not put forth your hand." So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
13: Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house;
14: and there came a messenger to Job, and said, "The oxen were plowing and the asses feeding beside them;
15: and the Sabe'ans fell upon them and took them, and slew the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
16: While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, "The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
17: While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, "The Chalde'ans formed three companies, and made a raid upon the camels and took them, and slew the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
18: While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, "Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house;
19: and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness, and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
20: Then Job arose, and rent his robe, and shaved his head, and fell upon the ground, and worshiped.
21: And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return; the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
22: In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

In case you have missed the moral of this story, Job was a good, God- fearing man. For no other reason than to prove a point to SATAN, God killed Job's entire family. devasted his livestock, & gave him THE PLAGUE!!! All to prove a damn point.

Now it may be the Rum talking (many, many, many glasses of Rum), but how is it that God can do that to someone? How can he take a perfectly decent person & do something horrible to them? How can he make someone so wonderful so unhappy? How is that fair? Good people are not supposed to have bad things happen to them for no reason. If you're a good person, good things are supposed to happen to you. How can he take someone that sweet & nice & make them feel that way.

How can he do that to someone as wonderful as she is...?

The Winter OH! - Lympics

As a follow up to one of my previous posts, I've had some further enlightening moments of clarity on the subject...

Apparently, not many people had been watching the Winter Olympics taking place right now in Torino, Italia. According to many in my office, the many, many copy-cat & uninspiring reality shows warrant their attention more than the finest athletes in the world gathering in northern Italy for a dispaly of pure sport only seen for a fortnight every two years. At first I found this disturbing: Whatever happened to patriotism, international camaraderie, or appreciation for unprecedented feats of athleticism? I flipped on the flat-screen, looking for answers and dramatic Alpine shots of hard-bodied snow bunnies slathering one another in full-bodied olive oil.

What I found, however, was a collection of unidentifiable humanoids shuffling around in unflattering space suits, masking their mugs in goofy helmets and competing in events that seem designed to paralyze the presumably-attractive participant from the gazongas down (although in some cases, the suits did not cover quite enough). If these world-class athletes are truly engaging in athletic feats of international camaraderie, as I certainly would be were I bunking down in Olympic Village, then no sign of it whatsoever is making it to air. Hmm, I wonder why ratings are down?

I have previously lamented over a handfull of sports which I, for one, question their Olympic merit. I think it is quite obvious, that some jsut do not belong. But what about those events which truly deserve the Olympic stage, but have not realized their full potential. I think that if some events could be "tweaked" here & there, the Olympic venues would once again reign atop the ratings, like Zeus on Mt Olympus.

Below are a few proposals that will no doubt increase viewership, improve morale, and add some much-needed heat to these Olympic games.

HOT TUBBING: Like snowboarding, this phenomenon has grown from a pastime to a full-fledged Olympic-caliber event. Today's great hot tubbers are getting naked, getting relaxed and getting it on with the focused energy of professional athletes, as they attempt to pass the torch underwater and avoid embarrassing bubbles.

BOOBSLED: What, besides anything, would be more exciting than watching a four-man bobsled team sliding down the track? How about a topless, eight-milkshake toboggan team that makes every jostle and carom a cause for celebration? I've got a really tasteless chapstick joke that could go right here… (HINT: they're topless, it's cold, and they're moving fast).

FIGURE RATING: A sport to determine, once and for all, which nation produces the world's hottest women. An international team of judges using sophisticated computer equipment will award points for technical and aesthetic merit. Unlike Figure Skating, participants MUST be biologically female, fully-developed, and over the age of 18 by the time of the games, or at least within spitting distance if they're like, super hot.

ICE POLE-DANCING: This bastard cousin of figure skating would be re-energized with an infusion of techniques from fine burlesque, introducing a pole in lieu of the "male" "dancer." Extra points awarded to dancers who pull off the difficult "nipple lutz" or, I guess, pull anything off.

IGLOO CONSTRUCTION: How do they make those things?

BIATHALON: Just a shout-out to the one Olympic sport that needs no augmentation. I could watch the biathalon-ers all night long (partially in awe of why anyone would choose that as their sport of choice, but they truly are remarkable athletes nevertheless). I do propose, however, widening its scope to include the bi-curious-female-athletes as they tend to be hotter, pound for pound.

On another note...what was up with those metals? Silly Italians...why not just give out a colored noodle?

Aaargh!

One simple question to ponder....

Why is all the rum gone??

And they won't let Golf be an Olympic sport...

Now I am a pretty big fan of the Olympic Games. I think that it is one of the one bastians of pure sport left in the world today (with the exception of Basketball, Hockey, Tennis, & the other sports in which Professionals are allowed to compete). But with that said, I truly think that they need to examine some of the sports that they allow into both the Summer & Winter Games, along with those which are deemed to not be Olympic as of yet.

Tug of war, rugby, polo, lacrosse, and golf were once on the Olympic programme. Climbing, bridge, golf, roller skating and surfing are sports that are recognised by the International Olympic Committee (IOC). The International Sports Federations (IFs) that administer these sports must ensure that their statutes, practice and activities conform with the Olympic Charter, but they are not allowed to be part of the actual Olympic Games. These are some of the most popular sports in the world...ALL OVER THE WORLD.

• Although more popular with the High School & College population in the United States, Rugby is hugely popular in almost every developed country in the rest of the world.
• Lacrosse is yet another enormously popular sport, along the same lines as Rugby. Widely played throughout the world...
  
• Tug of War....although it is more fun than I can describe during the Greek Games at many Universities across the US, I can see why this one is no longer in the Olympic Programme.
• Roller Skating...not really a sport (unless full contact) & wasn't even really that fun during the couples skate at Rollerworld.

Golf, however, is one sport that I cannot imagine is not an olympic event. There are golf courses in almost every civilized country in the world. Golf is also one of the world's most popular sports among people of all ages, races, & classes. I have to believe that just about every country that brings any sort of team to the Games of the whatever number Olympiad would have an entry in the event. Also, I guarantee that there is a world class golf course in the vicinity of every single city that has held & would ever hold a Summer Olympic Games. There are professional golf events & tours held in every portion of the world, with the possible exception of those regions which have a sub-freezing climate.

This is how the International Olympic Committee describes the sport of Golf:

Golf has been on the Olympic programme twice, in 1900 and 1904. There were two golf events in 1900 - one for gentlemen and one for ladies. Golf is one of the world's most popular sports, being played in well over 100 nations world-wide. Golf also has a long history, as it origins can be traced back several centuries, and it has had organised international competitions since the mid-19th century. In the last decade golf has made entreaties to be returned to the Olympic programme.

Now what in that blurb would make them think that it should not be an Olympic event? If you can explain it to me, please do.

Now, let's go over the top 10 sports currently contested in the Olympic Games that, to a great many people, are questionable at best...but are somehow more suitable than golf...

1. Curling - Now I find this sport to be exciting & fascinating...but where & when is it competed outside of the Winter Olympics...not to mention that if I decided that I would be a damn good curler (which, by the way, I have no doubt that I would be the Tiger Woods of Curling), where & how would I get into the sport? NO ONE KNOWS...but if someone does, please let me know, because I'm serious about wanting to try it...
   
2. Badminton - Unless you are a diminutive Asian or Forrest Gump, I wouldn't call this a sport...Dodge Ball deserves to be an Olympic Sport more than Badminton...

   (On a random note..who doesn't think that Dodge Ball would take second seat only to Women's Beach Volleyball as the most watched Olympic event? All they would need is a Misty May & they'd be even more popular...)

3. Ice Dancing - An event for skaters who can't jump, don't have enough talent to be figure skaters, but are still too sissy to play Hockey...although the women are much more attractive than women in figure skating...
   
4. Rhythmic Gymnastics - Much like Ice Dancing, people who couldn't really hack it as gymnasts... just running & skipping about flitting their ribbons around in the air...
5. Trampoline - Every 8 year old's dream ( along with my wife's ), but an Olympic event? I don't think so...
6. Table Tennis - Also known as Gossima. Whiff-Whaff. Flim-Flam. Ping-Pong... sounds like Kim Jong-Il on a rampage... please reference the diminutive Asian comment above...
7. Short-Track Speed Skating - Again, the diminutive Asian theme continues & anyone else who couldn't cut it in real speed skating (which is an event which I love to watch, by the way)...plus that kid with the soul patch was just over-hyped & annoying...
8. Hand Ball - Dodge Ball would be a much more exciting event any day of the week...
9. Wrestling - I know it's there to stay, but it's just blatant repressed homosexuality...
10. Syncronized Swimming - Enough said...

That Damn Little Cherrub...

I'm sure that you all will agree with me on the fact that this holiday is total crap. Just another manufactured holiday conjured up by those evil Hallmark people (I hate Hallmark...). Not that there are many others, this one just really gets to me...

Why is it that I should love my wife more today than on any other day of the year? Can someone please explain that to me? I buy my wife a dozen roses almost every week, not because some fat little angel says that I should, but because I love her & my bringing her home a dozen roses a few times a month makes her smile. It is a small gesture that shows her that I love her...ALL YEAR. Not just on February 14th. Are most men really that stupid that they need to be given a specific day to outwardly love the women in thier lives? Are women even more stupid, only expecting it one day every year? The worst part of it is that most women do now expect it. If for some reason, the man in their life doesn't have a $100 dozen roses delivered to them at work for everyone to see, a bitter argument is sure to follow that night...or even that afternoon on the telephone. That same woman wouldn't expect that any other day of the year...& it's all the fault of that fat winged devil named Cupid.

This only reason that this holiday persists, other than evil corpoations like Hallmark & Kabloom, is so those desperate women can cling to the hope that their husband or significant others really do love them. Somehow, getting flowers & candy on Valentine's Day makes up for being neglected every other day of the year. They don't realize that being guilted into it by society at large (not to mention the Little Flying Fatty) doesn't mean that they are truly loved & adored the way that they really want to be.

It's actually really pathetic. Due to the simple fact that most men don't have a romantic bone in their body, society (no doubt initially thought of by a woman) instituted a day mandating romance. But it isn't real. Not to mention that a dozen roses cost about $80 more per dozen, which is horse-shit too. How is it that Kabloom can get away with that? It's ridiculous! And just imagine how many staff writers Hallmark has, just sitting there in K.C. thinking up new catch phrases for their stupid cards...it's enough to make you cough up all those Necco-Heart candies you've been downing all damn day...


A few tips for the gentlemen in order to survive these dark days of February:

1. Boycott all Hallmark products (American Greeting Cards are better anyway)...
2. Buy your roses at either Shaw's or Stop & Shop...they'll be a quarter the cost & will save you from having to bend over for those rapists at Kabloom...they'll last longer too...
   
3. If you give a girl one of those little baseball-card looking Valentine's cards that you used to get when you were in first grade, they will think you are being all kinds of adorable (no matter what their age)...
4. This is the one day when the gift of candy doesn't translate into "You look fat in those jeans"...
5. Those TAG Body Spray commericals are a farse...
   
6. Suit-Up...it works...
7. Sweater-vests are the new black...
   
8. Just because you drop a few hundred on a fancy dinner & a bottle of Cristal, doesn't mean that she won't throw it up later...
   
9. Accept it now...flowers & candy doesn't mean you'll get laid...sorry dude...
10. They always appreciate you at a Gentlemen's CLub...& they might have a good buffet...
    
11. If all else fails...apply for your gun permit in January...it takes 3 weeks & no one will blame you...