If you've ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond", you've no doubt seen some of these televised instances in your own lives. You can call upon any one of a dozen similarities in your own lives, whether it be your wife's deficiency of housekeeping skills, begging (fruitlessly) for an intimate moment, or the countless meals that you suffer through with a smile....every married male can find a little point of sympathy with poor Raymond.
It is this last point that is my point of discussion this evening. In particular...Lemon-Chicken. Now my wife shares many, many similarities with Deborah (frighteningly similar). One likeness that is not shared, in general, is her cooking. My beautiful wife, in general, is a wonderful cook (not that we make gourmet dishes, but we are both very good at the dishes that we do prepare). There is one time, however, that stands out & has made for much joy & laughter ever since...at least on my part...but let me first set the scene properly...
Have you ever noticed how there are singular (yet outstanding) stories that last throughout the ages? Stories such as the Shot Heard Around the World, Francis Quimet defeating Harry Vardon to win the US Open, or my younger brother giving our Maid of Honor a lapdance at our wedding live on in our memory & are constantly re-lived again & again....bringing laughs & smiles along the way...every time. My beautiful wife & I have several of these stories, which again bring smiles & laughter every time (at least to me). They are re-hashed every now & then, never failing to brighten our lives. For example:
If you have ever been ill-fated enough to bear witness to my wife clearing her throat, & lived to tell about it, consider yourself one of the fortunate ones. It is one of the most horrid sounds ever uttered by mortal man. Each time it happens, children for miles around break out into tears & spend their remaining waking hours in a horrified, schitzofrenic state...terrifying...
For some unknown reason, whenever my wife 's glasses are dirty, she complains about it in an English accent...sexy, but unusual...
But perhaps one of my favorites, is the Lemon Chicken Incident. My beautiful wife had occassion, at one point in time, to attempt to make Lemon Chicken for dinner. She tried, but it wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. I have no idea what happened in that kitchen. My wife is, in most instances, a fairly accomplished cook ( & also looks mighty cute in an apron), but something un-natural happened in our kitchen that night. It was reminiscent of Raymond trying desperately to force one of Deborah's meal into the vaccuum cleaner. Except I was man enough to simply explain to my wife that is was inedible. It was that bad. One of our good friends, who just happened to have been dining with us on that particular evening, was apparently so overcome with sympathy for my darling wife, she not only finished her entire piece of ungodly fowl, but actually said that it was good. God bless her little heart.
Now every time that this story manages to come up, in the course of normal conversation, a change comes over my wife. Much like the Incredible Hulk, she transforms instantly from the sweet & sassy woman that she normally is, into a raging monster, laying waste to all in her path. The destruction is legendary. Men shake with fear upon the sound of her footsteps & soil themselves at the mere thought of her transformation. One moment, a beautiful young housewife worthy of Wisteria Lane...the next, a destructive rage of emotions, laying waste to everything in her path. Although she vigorously denies it, the eveidence of her devastation is irrefutable. It makes me laugh & smile every single time...she is just so damn cute...
But the monster lingers still...just beneath the surface...