Two for the price of one...

The only thing that has ever made me this happy was the night that she said yes........before she threw-up...

It's a good thing that Eve wasn't the actual gardener...

So what is it with women & gardens...?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was my understanding that gardens are supposed to be beautiful, peaceful, & relaxing...full of artfully planned flowering plants, a tranquil water feature, or perhaps a carefully trimmed bush...

When we men think of gardens at our homes, most of us picture the quaint silhouette of the female English gardener…y’all know what I’m talking about…the fair-haired beautiful young woman, daintily gliding around her garden in your favorite string-bikini, bending over to your delight as she tends to her bosoms…I mean blossoms…

But however you picture your gardener, there is generally one thing in common…tending to the garden…why we men imagine our women tending to our gardens probably goes back to our dominant images of wives as the mothers of our children…

“Though all his life a fool associates with a wise man, he no more comprehends the Truth than a spoon tastes the flavor of the soup…”

-Dhammapada

Since the dawn of time, women have ruined gardens for man…no wonder they are thought of as womanly…from the very first man & the very first woman, in the very first garden…the woman has destroyed the image of gardens for man throughout the ages.

In the Garden of Eden story, God molds Adam from the dust of the Earth, then forms Eve from one of Adam's ribs and places them both in the garden, east of Eden. God charges both Adam and Eve to tend the garden in which they live, and specifically commands Adam not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, a tree peculiarly pleasing to the eye. In the narrative Eve is quizzed by the serpent why she avoids eating of this tree. In the dialogue between the two, Eve childishly elaborates on the commandment not to eat of its fruit. She says that even if she touches the tree she would die. Psychologically the Serpent induces in her a state of inferiority. Eve is then filled with desire to be like God and have wisdom and knowledge. She and Adam then eat the fruit. Adam becomes aware of his "nakedness" and ashamed, hides from God. God finds them, confronts them, and judges them with a sentence of "death", beginning with the serpent first, then Eve, then Adam. God then expels them from the garden because they have disobeyed Him by eating the forbidden fruit. In order to guarantee the punishment of death and to keep Adam and Eve from partaking of the Tree of Life, (which would give them perpetual life), God places cherubim to guard against any entrance into the garden with an omnidirectional "flaming" sword, preventing Adam and Eve from returning in the future.

Here we not only see the reasons for man’s disdain of gardening, but also why women are the downfall of man-kind…but I digress…

If you are one of the lucky few having the good fortune to stroll down Magnolia Lane, you have been witness to the spectacle of the Augusta National magnolia garden in the distance. Those of you fortunate enough to have strolled the length of our leisurely drive have undoubtedly witnessed a similar phenomenon. I like to call it…”The Amazon”. Much like the majestic magnolias of Augusta National, my wife’s garden also flowers…for at least one entire day each calendar year. Not that it is entirely her fault. She is lacking that o-so-crucial element of free time (& motivation). That is why people have gardeners, because that is what they do all day…tend to gardens. Most people, between work, family, & the other house/yard work, simply neglect their garden.

Where my wife goes wrong, is that she likes to play "gardener" once a month or so, but also refuses to give up on it. Rather than a raging jungle greeting each visitor that happens across our humble abode, passers-by could be met with a simple flowerbed, groundcover, some shrubberies, or even grass. This “garden” does not even have boundaries which define it, which continues to propagate the jungle imagery. However, reason has not been allowed to intrude on her delusions of “gardening” grandeur. She insists that she persist to “tend” to her “garden”, like Sisyphus with his boulder…

Maybe all I need is a cherubim or a flaming sword…