Handicapped Parking Only

Now let me preface this post by saying that I have absolutely no predjudices against our elder community & furthermore have the upmost respect for old people, no matter what their stage of senility.

Now to the point...

I can't believe that I am the only person who has come to the following conclusions. Honestly, it chills me to the bone just to think of it. It is a danger to every person who steps foot outside of their door...

Now seriously...who else out there sees the problem with the theory of "Handicapped Drivers"? It is not just about the prime parking spaces in front of every building, but that is a major part of my point. These are people who claim that they are not able to walk farther than the closest available parking spot when entering or leaving a building, but we are to believe that they can operate a motor vehicle properly?

Here is what the RMV states as being the eligibilty standards for obtaining a disibility plate or placard:

To obtain Disability Plates, a Placard or a Disability Veteran Plate you must be a Massachusetts resident. In addition, a Massachusetts registered and licensed physician, chiropractor or nurse practitioner must certify that you meet one of the following conditions:

• Cannot walk 200 feet without stopping to rest.
• Cannot walk without the assistance of another person, prosthetic aid or other assistive device.
• Are restricted by lung disease to such a degree that your forced (respiratory) expiratory volume (FEV) in one second, when measured by spirometry, is less than one (1) liter.
• Use portable oxygen.
• Have a Class III cardiac condition according to the standards set by the American Heart Association.
• Have a Class IV cardiac condition according to the standards set by the American Heart Association. A customer in this condition must surrender his or her license.....isn't that comforting
• Have Class III or Class IV functional arthritis according to the standards set by the American College of Rheumatology.
• Have Stage III or Stage IV anatomic arthritis according to the standards set by the American College of Rheumatology.
• Have been declared legally blind (please attach copy of certification). A customer in this classification must surrender his or her license...again, at least there are standards
  
• Have lost one or more limbs or permanently lost the use of one or more limbs.

To be eligible for a Temporary Placard, the medical professional must certify that the disability is predicted to last at least two (2) months.

I mean no ill-will towards those who shuttle the handicapped back & forth from their bridge games & bingo tournaments, for they only benefit from the parking spaces. My problem is with the handicapped that drive themselves. How is it that someone who has been deemed to have a physical disability can be expected to hit the brakes fast enough to avoid hitting the little kid who runs out after the bouncing ball? How are we sure they can see that the light is red?...or even that there is a light at all??? I'm sorry, but if you can't walk 200 feet without stopping (for comparison, that is 66.67 yards), you should not be driving a car.

Again, I realize that there are exceptions. There are a great amount of people who have disablity plates or placards for the sole purpose of carting their loved ones to & from the senior center (although, I have heard that those mixers can get pretty wild...). Such people do, in fact, have a burden to bear & they have my sympathy. But the others...they are menice to society at large & must be stopped at all cost. After all, isn't that what the GLSS is for?

If you know someone who should not be on the road, there are people that can help you. Click here for information. The life you save could be your own...

How is it that something like this can happen...

Every child who attends sunday school is taught one overshadowing principle...if you are a good person, good things will happen to you. Take for example, the golden rule:

Do onto others as you would have done onto you

The one singular principle which is taught to every youngin', throughout history, is just that. If you say "Thank you" every time that someone gives you your Venti Sugar-Free Vanilla Late at Starbucks, say "God bless you" every time a person sneezes (no matter who the person is), and stop the line of traffic to let people turn left into/out of their driveway that you will be rewarded. In Buddhism , it is called Kharma. Doing good deeds, as listed above, earns you good Kharma. Doing bad deeds, earns you bad Kharma, & a one way ticket to Hell's Kitchen (not the one in New York). This is what "they" preech.

What they don't actually tell you, is what is actually detailed in The Bible. Take, for example, this out-take from the book of Job (YES, please read the whole verse

1: There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God, and turned away from evil.
2: There were born to him seven sons and three daughters.
3: He had seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she-asses, and very many servants; so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east.
4: His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each on his day; and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them.
5: And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, "It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts." Thus Job did continually.
6: Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them.
7: The LORD said to Satan, "Whence have you come?" Satan answered the LORD, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it."
8: And the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?"
9: Then Satan answered the LORD, "Does Job fear God for nought?
10: Hast thou not put a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? Thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.
11: But put forth thy hand now, and touch all that he has, and he will curse thee to thy face."
12: And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your power; only upon himself do not put forth your hand." So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
13: Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house;
14: and there came a messenger to Job, and said, "The oxen were plowing and the asses feeding beside them;
15: and the Sabe'ans fell upon them and took them, and slew the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
16: While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, "The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
17: While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, "The Chalde'ans formed three companies, and made a raid upon the camels and took them, and slew the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
18: While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, "Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house;
19: and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness, and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead; and I alone have escaped to tell you."
20: Then Job arose, and rent his robe, and shaved his head, and fell upon the ground, and worshiped.
21: And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return; the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
22: In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

In case you have missed the moral of this story, Job was a good, God- fearing man. For no other reason than to prove a point to SATAN, God killed Job's entire family. devasted his livestock, & gave him THE PLAGUE!!! All to prove a damn point.

Now it may be the Rum talking (many, many, many glasses of Rum), but how is it that God can do that to someone? How can he take a perfectly decent person & do something horrible to them? How can he make someone so wonderful so unhappy? How is that fair? Good people are not supposed to have bad things happen to them for no reason. If you're a good person, good things are supposed to happen to you. How can he take someone that sweet & nice & make them feel that way.

How can he do that to someone as wonderful as she is...?

The Winter OH! - Lympics

As a follow up to one of my previous posts, I've had some further enlightening moments of clarity on the subject...

Apparently, not many people had been watching the Winter Olympics taking place right now in Torino, Italia. According to many in my office, the many, many copy-cat & uninspiring reality shows warrant their attention more than the finest athletes in the world gathering in northern Italy for a dispaly of pure sport only seen for a fortnight every two years. At first I found this disturbing: Whatever happened to patriotism, international camaraderie, or appreciation for unprecedented feats of athleticism? I flipped on the flat-screen, looking for answers and dramatic Alpine shots of hard-bodied snow bunnies slathering one another in full-bodied olive oil.

What I found, however, was a collection of unidentifiable humanoids shuffling around in unflattering space suits, masking their mugs in goofy helmets and competing in events that seem designed to paralyze the presumably-attractive participant from the gazongas down (although in some cases, the suits did not cover quite enough). If these world-class athletes are truly engaging in athletic feats of international camaraderie, as I certainly would be were I bunking down in Olympic Village, then no sign of it whatsoever is making it to air. Hmm, I wonder why ratings are down?

I have previously lamented over a handfull of sports which I, for one, question their Olympic merit. I think it is quite obvious, that some jsut do not belong. But what about those events which truly deserve the Olympic stage, but have not realized their full potential. I think that if some events could be "tweaked" here & there, the Olympic venues would once again reign atop the ratings, like Zeus on Mt Olympus.

Below are a few proposals that will no doubt increase viewership, improve morale, and add some much-needed heat to these Olympic games.

HOT TUBBING: Like snowboarding, this phenomenon has grown from a pastime to a full-fledged Olympic-caliber event. Today's great hot tubbers are getting naked, getting relaxed and getting it on with the focused energy of professional athletes, as they attempt to pass the torch underwater and avoid embarrassing bubbles.

BOOBSLED: What, besides anything, would be more exciting than watching a four-man bobsled team sliding down the track? How about a topless, eight-milkshake toboggan team that makes every jostle and carom a cause for celebration? I've got a really tasteless chapstick joke that could go right here… (HINT: they're topless, it's cold, and they're moving fast).

FIGURE RATING: A sport to determine, once and for all, which nation produces the world's hottest women. An international team of judges using sophisticated computer equipment will award points for technical and aesthetic merit. Unlike Figure Skating, participants MUST be biologically female, fully-developed, and over the age of 18 by the time of the games, or at least within spitting distance if they're like, super hot.

ICE POLE-DANCING: This bastard cousin of figure skating would be re-energized with an infusion of techniques from fine burlesque, introducing a pole in lieu of the "male" "dancer." Extra points awarded to dancers who pull off the difficult "nipple lutz" or, I guess, pull anything off.

IGLOO CONSTRUCTION: How do they make those things?

BIATHALON: Just a shout-out to the one Olympic sport that needs no augmentation. I could watch the biathalon-ers all night long (partially in awe of why anyone would choose that as their sport of choice, but they truly are remarkable athletes nevertheless). I do propose, however, widening its scope to include the bi-curious-female-athletes as they tend to be hotter, pound for pound.

On another note...what was up with those metals? Silly Italians...why not just give out a colored noodle?

Aaargh!

One simple question to ponder....

Why is all the rum gone??